8 – Fear comes before the bliss of Fearvana
Tomorrow we fly... Weather is looking great, and while nothing is 100% until we actually get on the plane, we should be off to the Ross Ice Shelf tomorrow morning. There we will begin our journey to the bottom of the world... This morning, we waited for Fred to come in and give us the weather report. We knew there was a chance we could be leaving today. So every time the door to the dining tent opened, there was this moment of tension and nervousness. Was this going to be the moment of truth? Eventually we were told it's not happening today. But it was great to witness our behavior as we waited for the news... This breakfast was a particularly quiet one. We were all in our heads, wondering with excitement and anxiety if today was the day. Obviously we all want to be here, or we wouldn't have signed up for this. Yet, we were all noticeably nervous knowing it was actually about to happen. That tension is not an entirely comfortable feeling, by any stretch of the imagination. When we know we weren't going today, it got so much more comfortable again. The warm and fuzzy feeling returned, at least for now... Despite the visceral discomfort we felt, each of us continues to heed the call to adventure and return to the wilderness time and time again. Why? The greatest moments in life are usually prefaced by a good balance of fear and excitement. As uncomfortable as such moments may be, if you spend your life avoiding them, you will never get to experience the indescribable sense of aliveness that follows them. Fear is the precursor to the awe-inspiring bliss of Fearvana. Until that moment arrives tomorrow, I spent the afternoon in the lounge tent reading books on polar exploration. They don't exactly make me feel any better about what's coming. They're just logbooks of endless misery and pain :) Yet, there is a strange allure to these lands... Tonight will be our last night in the comfort of the clam tents. Tomorrow we go into the wild to experience its beauty and wisdom Oh and if I look this scummy after 8 days here, it will be interesting to see how I look after 35 days in the field. I already know I'm going to get stopped at every airport on my way back :)
